Baking with my boys...

Christmas break is simply the BEST time of the year.  By this time in the school year I am ready for a "little break" away from the craziness that being an elementary assistant principal can bring. I always think it will be time to just relax and enjoy my boys!  Of course I offered to host Christmas Eve for my husband's side of the family since I had the time off.  This meant the first couple days off where cleaning, food prepping and getting everything ready for the jolly big guy to come visit.  This year our time off before Christmas was shorter than any other year leading up to the holiday.  It felt like the first week of break was extremely busy and time went by quickly but I wouldn't change any of it!  I couldn't let break pass by without making cookies and treats with my boys.  Being in the kitchen is truly one of my happiest places to be.  Baking is one of my greatest memories as a kid.  I loved helping my mom bake and make chocolate chip cookies during the holidays.  Kade, my youngest is always eager to help me in the kitchen.  He loves helping me get out all of the baking goods, measuring cups. mixers and bowls.  He helps read the directions and we have so much fun creating what he calls "yummies" together! Over the holiday we created some of our family favorites, Christmas Cheesecake, Sugar Cookies and Raindeer mix.  We also added in some new treats that were a big hit as well.  With 5 more days off I'm sure Kade will talk me into making some more treats but for now here are the recipes that we have made thus far over the holidays....

Christmas Cheesecake

For the crust:
12 honey graham crackers
1/3 cup butter, melted

For the Cheesecake:

4 8oz packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup sour cream
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 tbsp cornstarch
1/8 tsp salt
2 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp vanilla extract

For the Raspberry Sauce

2 pints raspberry
1/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp lemon juice

Making the crust
1. Preheat the oven to 350 with a rack in the middle lower part of the oven.
2. Grease a 9-inch spring form pan with butter
3. Wrap the pan with foil, making sure the bottom is completely covered. Reserve.
4. Crush the graham cracker in a food processor until finely crumbled
5. Mix the crumbs and the melted butter until it resembles wet sand.  Place the mixture in the bottom of the springform pan, press firmly and evenly on the bottom.
6. Bake the crust for 8-10 minutes or until it starts to brown (just slightly) Take it from the oven and let it cool.

Making the cheesecake
1. Beat the cream cheese, sour cream, sugar, cornstarch, salt, lemon juice, and vanilla extract until creamy and without any lumps about 5 minutes on medium speed.  Mix it a little extra with a spatula to make sure everything is incorporated and mixed together with no lumps.
2. Mix the eggs, one at a time, over low speed, just until blended. The mixture should be creamy and silky.
3. Pour the batter over the cooled crust.
4. Set the springform pan- still wrapped in foil in a baking dish.  Fill it with enough boiling water to cover 2 inches of the bottom of the pan.  Bring the whole set to the oven and bake at 350 degrees for 55 minutes or until the outside looks slightly puffed but the center is still jiggly.
5. Once cheesecake is done, turn off the oven but keep the cheesecake in there, cooling for at least an hour.  Place on wire rack after an hour and cool completely before moving to the fridge,
6. Chill the cheesecake overnight, uncovered.
7. Before serving, let the cheesecake stand at room temperature, about 30 minutes.
8.  Unmold the cake, transfer to a serving dish and top with the raspberry sauce.

Making the Raspberry sauce

1.  Combing all ingredients in a saucepan and cook for about 10 minutes or until the raspberries are broken down.  If you like, pass the sauce through a strainer to remove the seeds.
2. Let it cool and serve over the cheesecake.  I like to add some fresh raspberries to the top as well.  Enjoy!

Sugar Cookies

1 cup unsalted butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 egg
2 tsp baking powder
3 cups all purpose flour

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2.  In a bowl mixer cream butter and sugar until smooth,  about 3 minutes.
3. Beat in the extract and the egg
4.  In a separate bowl combine the baking powder and flour and add a little at a time to the wet ingredients.  The dough will be very stiff.  If it becomes too stiff for your mixer turn out the dough on the countertop surface.  Wet your hands first and finish kneading the dough by hand. (I always have to do this step)
5. You do not chill the dough.  I separate it out for each of my boys with a little flour on the surface.  They can be a little on the thicker side about 1/4 of an inch.  Have fun cutting out your shapes and bake on a greased cookie sheet for 8 minutes.  Let cool before removing the cookies onto wax paper.

Frosting

1/2 stick butter, room temperature
4 cups powder sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2-3 tbs milk
food coloring

Mix all ingredients.  Add food coloring and enjoy decorating your sweet treat!

Raindeer Mix

Box Chex cereal
Holiday m&ms
1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 cup peanut butter
1 tsp vanilla
4-5 cups powder sugar
2 cups pretzels

1. melt the peanut butter, butter and milk chocolate in the microwave for about a minute, mix and then heat for another 30 seconds.
2. In a large bowl, empty the chex cereal.
3. Mix the chocolate mixture over the chex cereal.
4. Add 4-5 cups powder sugar in a gallon size bag.
5.  Add in the cereal mixture and let powder sugar coat the cereal.
6. Empty back into the large bowl, add m&m's and pretzels

Peppermint Kiss Oreo Balls

2 tbs peppermint mocha creamer
1 chocolate or Vanilla Almond Bark
1 reg package oreos
1 package cream cheese
Candy canes
peppermint kisses

1.  Cream cheese to room temperature
2. Put half the oreos in a food processor and pulse until you have oreo crumbs. Add the other half of oreos to the food processor and pulse again, until all the oreos are fine crumbs.
3. Add the cream cheese and international delight creamer to the food processor, mix until well blended.
4.  Line the baking sheet with silicone baking mat.  Use a small cookies scoop to form uniform oreo balls.  Place a peppermint kiss inside each oreo ball, roll it into a ball and place on a baking sheet.  Freeze the oreo ball for 20 minutes.
5. Meanwhile place the candy canes in a plastic bag cover with a towel and use a rolling pin to crush them into small pieces, set aside.
6.  After 20 minutes begin to melt the chocolate or white chocolate almond bark in a small pot over low heat on the stove.  Stir occasionally until the bark is completely melted.
7.  Remove the oreo balls from the freezer.  To dip place one oreo ball in the pot of melted chocolate.  Spoon chocolate over the side that isn't covered.  Place on silicone mat.  Continue dipping all oreo balls.  Let each oreo ball sit for one minute and then sprinkle with crushed candy canes on top.
8.  Allow them to cool to room temperature.  Store in the fridge.

Love watching these two decorate their sugar cookies

Happy Boys!!! 

Nothing better than teaching them how to help in the kitchen! 

Blakers happy with his ZAGS sugar cookie!  

True Love

In November my parents, brothers and our spouses all traveled to San Diego to join in the celebration of my cousin Ryan's wedding to his beautiful bride Lindsay.  The picture above was captured during my cousin's speech at the reception where he thanked my mom and dad for traveling during her difficult battle with cancer.  Two people that I love more than anything with two very different emotions.  One holding strong and one falling apart.  Isn't that what a marriage is made of.  I've heard the saying before how you take turns being strong for one another during difficult times.  I have watched my parents show this over the last six months while I've watched my dad take care of my mother.  His loving ways, sweet kisses on her forehead to telling her how beautiful she is everyday.  My parents have been married for 43 years.  They met when my mom was 15 and my dad was 16.  To watch the two of them together, hard times and all, makes me so incredibly thankful that I have their love as a role model for my own marriage.  Yesterday, my mom and I sat together as we waited for my dad to be out of surgery.  Now I watch as my mom, fighting herself was the strength for both of them.  She showed her emotion of crying when talking with the doctor, thankful that the surgery went well and my dad was recovering.  Her big smile when she saw my dad and caring nature as she sat in the recover room taking care of him. I am simply in awe of her strength.  The saying "difficult times always create opportunities for you to experience more love in your life," brings new meaning to me.  Watching my parents and their unconditional love is a wonderful reminder to follow in their path of grace, love, kindness and joy with my own marriage.

The Perfect Holiday...

Days leading up to the holidays normally have me rushing around trying to finish up the last of our shopping, food prepping and getting everything just perfect! It was no different a couple weeks ago when I found myself stressed trying to make sure that everything was just right for our first Thanksgiving with family in our new home.  I spent weeks leading up to the holiday pinning recipes on Pinterest, grocery shopping and prepping food ahead of time and planning out a cleaning schedule because this year I wanted more than anything for things to be absolutely perfect!  The weekend before Thanksgiving I was in an incredible stressful, snappy mood and my poor husband could tell that something just wasn't right with me.  After 12 years together he has become accustom to my type A personality so he knows how "crazy" I get when people are coming over.  This holiday though he knew something was different with me.  After he helped clean around the house and tried to help with some food prep I simply fell apart in the kitchen.  I didn't realize the amount of pressure that I was putting on myself and it took him taking me in his arms, holding me while I sobbed to simply tell him what was on my mind.  I didn't realize what was wrong until that moment. I told him how worried I was that this could be my mom's last Thanksgiving and how incredibly hard this has been for me. I just wanted everything to be perfect for my mom.  Ever since my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer I have tried to remain positive and not think about what could happen if she wasn't here with us.  The holidays had me thinking more and more about loved ones that aren't with us and how much I miss them. It was simply too easy for me to turn my thoughts negative and how this Thanksgiving was so important for my family.  Talking with my husband I realized how it didn't matter if my cooking was perfect or if the house was spotless.  What mattered was that we would all be together, laughing and enjoying these moments.  Moments that we will never get back.  This year over the holidays I am working on letting go.  Letting go of not having everything perfect because let's be honest, the only one who knows it isn't "perfect" is me!

 I am turning my stress and hard times this holiday into something positive.  For me it will be a chance to relax, simply enjoy and grow as a person.  I'm looking forward to creating more memories with my mom, boys and family.  Just yesterday I left the piles of laundry in the baskets and enjoyed a Saturday morning breakfast at Conley's Place with my boys, hubby and mom and dad. We spent the rest of the morning at the Davenport viewing the Trees of Elegance.  The afternoon was spent cuddling with my littles as we watched our Zags win another big game! I am letting go with my Christmas shopping too because for the first time ever I've ordered gifts online and had them delivered right to our door.  This has given me more time to relax. Right now I am enjoy typing by the fire, snow is falling outside and I am watching my boys sled down our hill from our living room window.  Now that is perfection and what this time of year is all about!

The move

It's been a little over a week and we are getting settled into our new house.  I have never been more excited to make our place a home.  Waking up each morning seeing the views of the mountains and looking out to see nothing but trees and wildlife on our property is simply breathtaking.  One of the boys favorite daily activity is chasing the turkeys, which brings a huge smile to my face.  These are memories that I know will last a lifetime for our boys.  Last weekend the hubby and I made our first trip to the "Country" store and bought some deer feed and some supplies to get started on making our chicken coop.  The boys helped us out in the shop as we began making the frame.  They just may be a little more excited then I am to raise some chickens.  I never thought that living out on some property would be this relaxing and fun.  The hard part is getting in the car each morning and heading into work and school for the boys.  All I want to do is be at home! I'm following my word for this year and living each day in the moment and just simply soaking it all up.  I do find myself thinking ahead and am excited for upcoming sledding parties with family and friend when it finally snows, bonfires, Thanksgiving and Christmas in our new home and summer relaxing reading a book in peace as the boys play. There are still many boxes that need to be unpacked, rooms to be decorated and things to be organized but I know there will be plenty of time for that.  As for now, I will go back to enjoying this moment for our family.

💕

There are many paths or plans that change when you are on the journey of fighting cancer with a loved one.  Some appointments are filled with hope and promise and others are filled with tears and heartache.  My mom has been responding so well to chemotherapy that we were all getting ready for the next phase of her treatment plan, surgery. Last Tuesday, we met with the doctor ready to set a surgery date but instead we were setting up a new treatment plan. The new plan was no surgery and weekly chemotherapy for the next three months. Her body was responding to chemo. Just not in a way that her liver was clear enough for surgery. Watching my mom's eyes well up with tears broke my heart. She has stayed so positive through this all and in that moment I saw her world become a little dimmer. They decided that day to begin the weekly treatment. We sat together for four hours while she received her new dosage of chemo. She rested a little during treatment but we mainly talked and talked. These are moments that I will cherish forever and never forget.  As we were talking I could see her positive spark reappear in her eyes and I knew she was ready to fight! She truly is my hero and the one person in my life who gives me continued strength to be a better mom, wife, friend and daughter. I hope someday I can be half the woman and mother that she is. Everyday I continue to be amazed by her and pray every night for her strength and love to help heal her.

Our next adventure...

My husband and I have been talking for years about moving our family to property and raising our boys in a more country setting.  We talked and talked about the idea but never really started making that leap until recently.  A couple months ago we started looking for our little slice of heaven.  We looked at many different locations around our area.  We would find the perfect property but then the house would need way too much work or wasn't the exact layout that we were looking for.  Then we would find the perfect house, great layout and the property wouldn't be what we wanted.  I didn't think that we would ever agree to a new house or property until one sunny day our realtor called and asked if we wanted to go look at a house on 10 acres that was the exact layout we were looking for.  Driving to the house I was very optimistic. We pulled up to the house at the end of the road and I knew right then that this was the house that we had been searching for.   It was perfect and everything that we had dreamed of.

I am happily boxing up memories at our old house getting ready to move in the next month to the place that we will call home for many, many years to come.  I lay in bed at night and think of all the things that we will be able to enjoy at our new house.  I am simply looking forward to watching my boys play outdoors, ride dirtbikes, hunt, shoot guns, plant a garden, raise chickens and relax on the back porch while taking in the beautiful country views! Through the stress of moving I have found comfort knowing that this is the next adventure for our little family.  Country life is something that I have always wanted to have.  Some of my greatest memories with my husband have been the two of us out in the mountains.  When we got married and had children I knew that it was only a matter of time that he would want for our boys what he had growing up.  There is something to be said for a man who teaches his children about having a strong work ethic and taking care of his family with the work from his two hands.  I recently saw a quote that I can't wait to paint on a sign and hang somewhere in our new house..."I wouldn't give a nickle to have it paved in gold. Everything I love is at the end of a dirt road."  Cheers to our next adventure!

Ahhh...School lunches....

My husband laughs at me 99.9% of the time when my type A personality shines through!!  I am pretty crazy about pre-planning dinners on Saturday night and I head to the grocery store bright and early Sunday morning so I can prep food for the week ahead. Recently, I had a brilliant idea to buy some cheap (79 cents each to be exact) baskets to help organize our pantry and refrigerator for lunches. I have 2 different baskets in the pantry and 3 in the fridge.  I pre-prep food every Sunday and baggie up goodies for the boys to choose from. I mainly pick 2 from each of the categories below and rotate each grocery trip so the foods selected allow the boys to have a variety of lunch options.  I don't pre-make the main course but the planning of fruits, veggies, protein, snacks and treats come in pretty handy.  Below are a list of items that I buy, cut up, baggie up and the boys simply pick and place in their lunch.  The best part is that I only have to make the main course the night before, let's be honest mainly sandwiches and throw in a juice box and it takes less time each night to make lunches and the boys get a kick in helping "pack" their own lunch for the next day. The list below are some ideas and like I said I don't give them every option.  For example last week I pre cut and baggied up cucumber and carrots in one basket, hard boiled eggs and string cheese in another, you get the idea......

Veggies (boys pick one)
cucumbers
baby carrots
celery w a small pack of peanut butter
bell peppers
pickles
snap peas
cherry tomatoes
broccoli
jicama sticks
*hummus snack packs are one of my boys favorites to dip with their veggies

Fruit (boys pick one)
strawberries
blueberries
raspberries
applesauce
grapes
watermelon
apple slices
Fruit cup (if fresh isn't available):
peaches
pears
mandarin oranges
pineapple



Protein (boys pick one)
hard boiled eggs (my kindergartner LOVES these)
string cheese
edamame
yogurt
elk jerky (we make our own)
pumpkin seeds
almonds or nuts

Snacks (boys pick two) one for lunch and one for their snack: 
cheeze-its
pretzels
kid cliff zone bars
yogurt covered raisins
dried cranberries
organic fruit leather or snacks
goldfish
ritz crackers
granola bars
popcorn
jello cups
pudding cups

Treats (Sometimes I skip this one, oh I lie...actually this only happens sporadically): 
cookie
brownie bites
small piece of candy
rice krispy treat
small donut hole

ENJOY packing lunches for the next 180 plus days.... :)

Raising my boys to be gentleman....

17 years ago I became a mom for the first time.  10 years later I became a mom again, and a year later our 3rd little baby boy was born.  Being a mom of 3 boys is one of my greatest blessings.  My motherhood journey started when I was 21 years old.  I had little experience with life at that point but knew one thing, no matter what I was going to raise my son to be a true gentleman. I pride myself in teaching my boys to be respectful, responsible, kind and confident young men.  Especially when they are dealing with the opposite sex. My boys know that when the garage door opens and mom is coming in from the grocery store they come out to help carry in the groceries, hold the door open or help put away what they can.  I love seeing my boys hold open doors for others and lend a hand when needed.  The other day I was brought to tears when my mom text me a picture of some beautiful flowers that my oldest son brought to her.  He stayed and talked with her about her day and made her laugh and smile a little brighter.  He is sensitive and has the kindest heart of any kiddo I know.  Now that he is 17 he has started dating.  He has been dating the same girl for the last 8 months and we have had our fair share of teenage battles with dating but the one thing that I have stayed strong on is him treating his girlfriend with respect.  When she was recently sick he brought her a sweet card and her favorite flowers.  He has surprised her before school with her favorite coffee or left notes on her car.  He has seen that the little things mean the most and don't go unnoticed.  So you can imagine my concern when I started reading some of the text messages between the two, the way she talked to him when I was around (which I quickly brought to his attention when she was gone) and the emotional roller coaster of break-ups that she initiates and the comments about how he doesn't do "enough" for her made my blood boil.  Parker and I have a very open relationship and he comes and talks to me about many different things going on in his life.  I couldn't help but remind him that although he needs to always be a gentleman he DOES not deserve to be a doormat to someone.  We talked about how you teach someone how to treat you and if he was to continue to allow her to text and talk to him the way that she does then it will only continue without any change on her part.  I thought that him simply seeing the example that his step father and I have set would be enough for him to follow but I realized that he needed to hear it from me too.  It kills me to see him hurt and upset over someone who manipulates and takes advantage of a good hearted boy who was raised right. Thankfully, he does know his worth in a relationship and will stand up for himself.  I just hope that there are moms out there raising their daughters to respect, love and treat the good guys the way that they also deserve to be treated.  I won't stop teaching my boys the value of being a true gentleman and only pray that they will find the right heart that will do the same daily for them.

Full Circle...

20 years ago I walked the campus of Eastern Washington University for the first time. I will never forget the feeling of excitement as I moved into my tiny dorm room. It's hard to believe that 20 years later I am walking the same campus with my oldest son, a junior in high school who is also a running start freshman at EWU this fall.  He had his first orientation to campus life on Wednesday and there was no way I was going to miss that moment with him.  The campus looked the same and my mind was flooded with all of the wonderful memories from my freshman and sophomore year when I lived in Cheney.  There were also several times during the orientation that I had tears in my eyes, not tears of sadness but tears of joy.  Looking at my baby boy, who is now more of a man, I can't help but be proud of the person that he has become.

It was Christmas break my junior year at EWU when I found out I was pregnant.  My carefree college life changed from that moment on. I was 21 in a little apartment where I was busy changing diapers, midnight feedings, working full time and attending school part time while my friends were enjoying the bar and dancing the night away. But honestly, I wouldn't change any of it.  I look at it like this, I was able to be a mom sooner, which has allowed me to love my son longer.  To get to where we are now wasn't easy but so worth it. Parker was three when I finally graduated college with my BAE in elementary education.  One of my favorite pictures is of me, my mom and Parker at my graduation ceremony.  He wore my graduation cap on his little head with a crooked grin that showed exactly how incredibly proud of his mommy he was.  Parker was also right by my side when I graduated from Gonzaga with my masters in literacy.  Without doubt Parker has been one of the reasons why I continue to have the drive and motivation in life that I do. Everyday he shows me true GRIT, passion and perseverance in life.  As he embarks on this next chapter in his life I know that he will continue to amaze me with his positive, never give up drive!

Treatment begins...

Yesterday my beautiful momma was moved from the 9th floor at Sacred Heart to the 7th floor, the oncology unit.  It's one thing to be in the hospital and the feeling of sadness as you walk through the halls but a whole different feeling when you walk down the halls of patients who are ALL fighting cancer. The one thing I wasn't expecting to see was all the smiles, from nurses to patients (who were walking around with their chemotherapy IV drips) and family members supporting their loved ones.  It's simply amazing what a smile can do to lift your spirits.   My dad who has hardly left my mom's side needed a break and was happy to see me walk through the door of her hospital room.  He left to go home and would return later that night.

My mom started her first round of chemotherapy last night.  She had her port put in earlier that day and at 6:15pm we started the five and a half hour journey of giving her 3 different kinds of chemotherapy to fight this horrific disease. They gave her some saline first, then some nausea medicine, benadryl for any allergic reaction and then after 15 minutes came back to start her first of many IV drips of chemotherapy. The benadryl made her sleepy so she began resting when they first began.  I was alone in the room with her and watched as the IV drip slowly worked its way into the tube and through her port.  They gave her the highest dose you can, 3 weeks worth of chemotherapy at once.  As I sat looking at my mom I couldn't help but fight back tears because I knew in that moment that this was the start of a hard battle.  But as I looked at her a little more I was reminded that she is a fighter, the strongest, most optimistic, uplifting, selfless person I know.

After she woke up from her one hour nap, she looked at me and smiled.  She sat up in her bed and wanted to eat some dinner.  We talked, laughed and watched a little TV together. It's amazing how quickly 5 and a half hours can go when you are surrounded by people you love. A little after the last drip of chemotherapy was given, I kissed her forehead as she was peacefully sleeping and left.  As I walked to my car at 2am I thought about how blessed I have been to have my mother in my life.  I hope that one day I can be half the mother that she has been to me.

Our journey may have just started with her treatment and there will be some hard days ahead but I know that through this we will all become a little stronger, closer and appreciate life that much more.

One Word...

While sitting by my mom's bedside at the hospital over the past week I have been waiting for my "one word" to come to me as I venture into my 2nd year as Assistant Principal.  This is an activity that our Superintedent has us participate in each year.  The word that you choose should be one that you can connect with in your work life and your personal life. There have been several words that have crossed my mind as I have watched my mom battle this horrific disease of cancer.  Cancer has left her sick, weak, in excruciating pain and fighting for her life.  I find myself holding it together when I am with my mom because I don't want her to worry about me.  Which shows my strength but then when I am alone or with my husband I simply fall apart, cry and feel nothing but weakness.  The word strength just didn't seem fitting. Neither did the words, breathe, inspire, fight, live, love, heart or faith.  I was having a hard time finding the "one word" that would fit my personal journey right now and my work path until I kept coming across "one word" that stuck out to me.  The word, my one word for next year is moment. As I thought about this word I realized it was perfect. There have been moments in my career that have changed me, who I am, how I teach and the students that I connect with.  Moments where I was so happy to see a child succeed and moments of hurt and frustration when I wondered if I was truly doing enough to reach each student.  There have been moments in my career that have defined who I am as a leader and moments that I have learned from.  Moments in my personal life that have also changed me.  After losing our son in those moments I held onto my family. That moment changed me as a person, wife and mother.  Even though that moment was one of the hardest things I have endured that moment made be better.  Sometimes the moments of struggle, heartache and pain are the moments that make us who we are.  My focus for this year is going to be to live in the moment, each and every day.  To take the moments and cherish them for what they are. 

My "one word"  is truly more than fitting when you really take a good look at it...MOMent! 

The Waiting Game...

I've had this feeling before.  The knot in my stomach, lump in my throat, feeling of panic and complete numbness. This time it came from a phone call from my dad and a panicked rush up to my parents house.  I walked in and my mom grabbed a hold of me, we hugged, started crying and I knew in that instant it was bad.  My mom, a two time breast cancer survivor has been in and out of doctors lately.  She has been diagnosed with a cough (that just needed to run its course) to IBS (so she changed up her diet) but it was Monday, July 25th when our entire lives changed.  That morning her breathing became more labored and her stomach became so enlarged she looked 6 months pregnant.  My dad took her into the urgent care and he refused to leave with her until they performed some actual tests and did a scan of her stomach.   In that moment I was thankful for my dad's stubborn ways.  My mom had fluid in her abdomen and around both of her lungs.  Then the word that I dreaded hearing, cancer.  From mastastesized lesions on her liver to masses in her stomach and ovaries.  To what extent is unknown until we meet with the oncologist and we get some results back.

Yesterday, I met my parents at 7am at the hospital so my mom could have a paracentesis (removal of fluid in the abdomen) and a thoracentesis (removal of fluid around her lungs). Thankfully, I was able to stay in the room with her for both of these procedures.  Not really knowing what I was getting into or how I would handle watching the needles I simply had to remain strong because it was extremely painful for her.  She started breathing better but wasn't feeling very well after the procedure.  Her vitals continually dropped and they were looking at sending her to the ER and admitting her overnight.  With some oxygen and rest her vitals came back up, she was able to eat and looked a little more like her spunky sweet self.  She was sent home from the hospital last night and now it's calls to Cancer Care Northwest today, scheduling appointments and waiting.  Waiting to see what is next.  I know one thing, my mom is the strongest woman I know and a fighter!

Things we learned in marriage counseling....

Today marks nine years since I slipped into my white wedding dress and walked down the aisle to find the man of my dreams waiting to whisk me away to happily ever after.  Nine years later and tonight we aren't celebrating with a fancy dinner instead we are heading to the ball park to watch our two youngest boys play baseball and that is exactly where I want us to be.   We have had many great years together and we have had some not so great years together.  The struggle of marriage is real.  We have been jealous of one another, fought about money, how to parent our boys but in the end we are a team who supports each other through this journey of marriage.  We started going to a marriage counselor about six months ago, something we should have done 7 years ago after we lost our son, Brody.  I wish we would have gone and talked about my guilt, the pain and how we move forward together.  I believe that if we would have tried counseling then some of the mistakes and pain that I caused in our marriage wouldn't have happened.  But, you can't live in the past with regret! All you can do is move forward and that is where we are now.  We have both learned so much about ourselves and each other through marriage counseling. There are many things that we have discovered in our marriage counseling sessions that have helped.  For us, communication is HUGE!  I've heard it a million times before but the truth is many times in our marriage we stopped communicating with each other.  There are several reasons why, from kids to jobs to you simply stop saying the same thing over and over to your spouse because you sound like a broken record! With communication you have to express your needs and not get defensive when you hear something you disagree about.  I found out through counseling that I do this and it shuts my husband down and he doesn't talk...he's a very quiet person as it is so this is key for me to remember when he is telling me his needs or talking to me about something that is bothering him. During counseling one of our homework assignments was to find each other's love language.  I thought for sure I knew my husbands without him even taking the quiz.  For years I was intentionally meeting his needs or so I thought! Imagine my surprise when I found out he was a physical touch guy and not an acts of service guy.  Of course when I heard this I rolled my eyes because I thought most guys must be physical touch. That just means having sex but then my hubby explained it to me.  He told me that he loves when we are driving in the car and I grab his hand to hold.  When we are sitting next to one another and I put my hand on his leg.  When I walk up to him and just wrap my arms around him and give him a hug.  I know my husband feels closest to me when we are having sex but it's those simple things that make him feel the most loved. So, I make it a priority to do those things more.  My husband learned that I am a quality time gal and that just simple spending some one on one time with me is all that I need.  I don't need fancy dinners, vacations or expensive gifts.  I just simply like that time together. One thing my hubby and I started to do at night is go on walks.  We have discovered some cool hiking trails right up the hill from our house.  Many nights you can find us taking a hike to sit on the rocks at the top of the mountain and watch the sun set.  Sometimes the boys come with us and other times they stay at home with our oldest.  It's those times that mean so much to me.  For us communicating our needs and listening to one another has improved our marriage, all things we wouldn't have known if we hadn't gone to counseling. Although there have been some bumps in the road and times where we felt like we lost it all, in the end we still had one another and a marriage worth saving.  Marriage takes work, honesty, trust, forgiveness, and love.  All things that I hope we have shown our children over the last nine years and will continue to show them for many, many more!

Life of a working mom....

The end is in sight and my vacation at home with my 3 boys is about to come to a screeching hault once again.  Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice with building my career instead of staying at home.  I spent many years teaching only part time but I never stopped working to be at home full time with my boys.  I overheard two stay at home moms chatting and one said that she feels sorry for the kids that have to have both parents working while daycare is raising them.  Newsflash, I could stay home but I choose to have a career. Then in the next sentence she stated how she can hardly get anything done now that the kids are home from school for the summer.  This also made me chuckle as I have been able to get more done now that I DO have time off (5 weeks to be exact).  We have been able to have play dates at the park, baseball games, bike rides, water balloon fights as well as organizing & deep cleaning my house, trying out new recipes and finally getting to work out AFTER 5am.  I guess it's just how you prioritize your time.  I rolled my eyes as I continued to listen to them complain about the out of town business trips their husbands have to take to how tired they are from doing it all.  The reality is as a working mom I do, do it all!  From coaching to work meetings to cooking dinners every night for my family.  And as much as I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice I know that in my heart I did.  I have taught my children to work hard and follow their dreams.  I am a better mom because I am a working mom.  I work hard to provide my kids with the best life that I can.  My kids are well rounded, smart and well behaved because I raised them with high expectations and standards.  My kids can socialize and interact with adults because they have had the opportunity to be in a school/daycare that helps reinforce our values as their parents. I believe that every woman has the right to choose to stay at home or build their career.  I was lucky enough to marry a man who supported me on either path that I picked.  Instead of looking down on women who choose to work and talking negatively about them we should be lifting one another up.  I respect the mom who wants to stay at home but I was offended by the two moms who kept making judgments against women who choose something different!

Good Eats....

I'm always looking for quick, easy and delicious recipes for my family of 5 to enjoy.  Some nights it's hard to meet every ones taste buds but I sure like to try.  With some time off this summer I have tested out several new dinners which have been a huge hit and wanted to share a couple!  First, I bought my hubby a Louisiana Grill several months ago and it has been absolutely amazing for so many different reasons. The best (because he is the one cooking) is that he grills up several chicken breasts, which taste delicious and saves me a ton of time when making dinners throughout the week.  Here are some of the new favorites that my kids and hubby rave over! 

Honey-Lime Chicken Enchiladas... (My husband loves this one and asks me to make it all the time now!)

Ingredients:
6-8 tablespoons agave or honey (I prefer agave)
4-5 tablespoons lime juice (I prefer fresh squeezed)
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder or garlic salt
2-3 cups cooked, shredded chicken 
2 cups green enchilada sauce, divided
8-10 flour tortillas
3 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
3 cups shredded Mexican Cheese
1 cup heavy whipping cream, divided

Mix the first four ingredients and toss with the shredded chicken in a resealable plastic bag.  You can let this marinade for 30 minutes or all day.  I forgot this step before and just made it without marinading and it came out fine but I do prefer to marinate it all day.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees and pour about half of the green enchilada sauce on the bottom of a 9x13 inch pan.  Remove chicken from bag and keep any remaining marinade.  Fill the tortillas with the chicken and some shredded cheese, save about 1 cup shredded cheese of each for topping. Placed rolled tortillas in the pan as you go.  Mix the remaining green enchilada sauce and leftover marinade with 1 cup of heavy cream.  Pour this sauce mixture over the enchiladas.  Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top along with a very light sprinkle of chili powder. Bake for 30 minutes, uncovered until they are crispy and brown on the top.  

*From the Six Sisters Cookbook with some slight changes from me  :) 

Baked Spicy Chicken Tacos....

Ingredients:
1/2-1 pound of cooked, cubed chicken
1 can (16 oz) refried beans
6 tablespoons taco seasoning
8-10 stuff and stand tacos
2 cups Mexican blend cheese
Toppings:
Shredded lettuce
Tomatoes
Onions
Salsa
Guacamole
Sour cream

Place chicken in a bag and coat with taco seasoning to your liking. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish.  Place stand and stuff tortillas along the middle and then put two on each side to keep them secure.  Put some refried beans at the bottom of the shell, fill with chicken, then top with cheese.  Bake for 12 minutes.  Place your preferred topping on the taco and enjoy!  

Creamy Chicken Lasagna...

Ingredients:
6 uncooked lasagna noodles
3 cups cooked and shredded chicken
1 cube chicken bouillon, dissolved in 1/4 cup of hot water
1 (8oz) package of cream cheese, softened
1 cup frozen spinach, thawed and drained
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1 cup shredded parmigiano-reggiano cheese
26 ounces spaghetti sauce ( Any kind your like, I make mine homemade and freeze for this reason) 
Italian seasoning, to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Cook lasagna noodles according to the package, drain and rinse, add a little oil and set aside.  In a large bowl, combine the shredded chicken, bouillon water, cream cheese, spinach, 1 cup mozzarella cheese and 1/2 cup parm cheese.  Spread spaghetti sauce on the bottom of dish, place 3 noodles down, add chicken mixture, cheese, spaghetti sauce, cheese and repeat.  Top with the remaining sauce and cheese, sprinkle to taste Italian seasoning and bake covered for 45 minutes, until cheese is bubbly and melted :) 

*From the Six Sisters Cookbook with some slight changes from me :) 

The BIG Divorce

I divorced facebook over two months ago and I am thrilled to say that I am living happily ever after!  At the time I didn't realize how much of my day was spent scrolling up and down the newsfeed.  Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing pictures of my friends and family, their kids and catching up with people from the past.  I didn't realize at the time how much damage I was doing to my marriage and my relationships with my boys.

When I really started to dig in and reflect on what was happening I began to wonder why I ever even started.  I would look at "friends" and their picture perfect world, because that is what it is.  You don't post about the day to day hardships of life, marriage, motherhood.  You don't post "real" pictures of your life. You post the good, happy times, because that is what everyone wants to see.  You start to feel like you need to "keep up with the Jones" or at least that is honestly what I started to feel.  I questioned why we weren't taking more family vacations or date nights together.  I needed a big wake up call.  I stopped cold turkey, completely deleted my account, no temporary leave of Facebook, yep, I got rid of it forever.  At first it felt weird to not grab my phone, scroll through the pages but it quickly became easier to fill my nights with card games, playing basketball, coloring or simply holding my boys in my arms and reading a good book.  I didn't realize how much my kids were being affected by me being on my phone.  I wasn't on it constantly. I would put it away for most of the night but I would catch myself checking it here and there and that is what my boys were seeing.  My husband was easily annoyed each time I was on it and a sense of resentment was soon taking over our marriage.  It bothered him more than I knew and it was slowly breaking us apart.  It was time to make a change! 

My days of taking a picture and instantly posting it are over!!!  I still enjoy the big game, play dates, fun adventures, date nights, little family vacations and although I continue to take lots of pictures, those are now only for me and my family.  

Lost Bear

My family and I recently went on a little "staycation" at Silver Mountain.  Kids had a blast splashing at the waterpark and my hubby and I enjoyed a late night get away soaking in the hot tub.  Snow was falling and everything around us was perfect.  We were lazy to get up and leave on the last morning that we were there but finally packed up and headed back home.  That night while tucking in our son Blake, he asked for his Brody bear.  My hubby and I both glanced at each other and a sheer panic look was exchanged between us.  Had he been left at the condo? We searched high and low in our house and in the car.  No Brody bear was found.  My heart sank as I kissed my little 6 year old's head and told him we would call and see if he had accidentally been left behind.  I called the hotel but Brody bear hadn't been found, the room had been cleaned but no bear.  I asked a huge favor, would they please have housekeeping take one more look and call me back.  See our little Brody bear isn't just a bear to our family.  When I was pregnant with our twin boys, Blake and Brody, their big brother Parker made a moose for Blake and a bear for Brody.  When you press the little paw you can hear his sweet voice say, "I love you baby brother." Our Brody bear has become a dear part of our family for a special reason!  I was in my final stages of pregnancy when we heard the unimaginable, our son Brody was born still. Brody bear is always with Blake, from cuddles at night to opening presents Christmas morning.  Blake was devastated that he had lost his bear.  He cried way too many tears that night and I tried to hold it together but I had an ache in my heart.  The next morning I called again and they were sending someone to look one more time.  Thankfully our little bear was found.  I have one happy six year old and my heart is full again!  I can't wait to hug that sweet little bear and watch as my son sleeps with his little arms wrapped around him.  It's amazing how something so simple, a stuffed bear can bring peace to our family!