Running Sucks!

My runs lately have just plain sucked!  I feel weak and unmotivated. Even despite injuries running is starting to feel more like a chore than an accomplishment.  With three halfs and a full marathon coming up in the next two months I need to get out of this funk!  The truth is I am way too hard on myself, I always have been.  Not being the best is something that I don't handle very well.  The competative nature of my being doesn't feel good unless I am kicking ass! I have not been kicking ass!  Last year I ran through grief and the loss of our son.  Running helped me build mental strength to get through pain that I had hidden from for a couple of years.  Now, I'm just mad at myself for not PRing in any races.  I've taken the joy out of running because of continually telling myself that I am "not good enough".  The agany of not being a "fast" runner like my friends is starting to make me feel bad about myself.  Why do I do this?  I told myself going into this year that I was NOT going to beat myself up for not being fast, I was going to run and laugh and enjoy the journey.  I have done none of that lately.  So, starting tomorrow morning when I am out at 5 am running hill repeats I am going to push myself, but I am going to smile after because well hell..how many other people are out at 5am in the wind, snow, rain?  My next three halfs and my full are not goint to be a PR for me and I'm going to be ok with it!  I have to be...I'm done beating myself up!  I will love running again!