The Waiting Game...

I've had this feeling before.  The knot in my stomach, lump in my throat, feeling of panic and complete numbness. This time it came from a phone call from my dad and a panicked rush up to my parents house.  I walked in and my mom grabbed a hold of me, we hugged, started crying and I knew in that instant it was bad.  My mom, a two time breast cancer survivor has been in and out of doctors lately.  She has been diagnosed with a cough (that just needed to run its course) to IBS (so she changed up her diet) but it was Monday, July 25th when our entire lives changed.  That morning her breathing became more labored and her stomach became so enlarged she looked 6 months pregnant.  My dad took her into the urgent care and he refused to leave with her until they performed some actual tests and did a scan of her stomach.   In that moment I was thankful for my dad's stubborn ways.  My mom had fluid in her abdomen and around both of her lungs.  Then the word that I dreaded hearing, cancer.  From mastastesized lesions on her liver to masses in her stomach and ovaries.  To what extent is unknown until we meet with the oncologist and we get some results back.

Yesterday, I met my parents at 7am at the hospital so my mom could have a paracentesis (removal of fluid in the abdomen) and a thoracentesis (removal of fluid around her lungs). Thankfully, I was able to stay in the room with her for both of these procedures.  Not really knowing what I was getting into or how I would handle watching the needles I simply had to remain strong because it was extremely painful for her.  She started breathing better but wasn't feeling very well after the procedure.  Her vitals continually dropped and they were looking at sending her to the ER and admitting her overnight.  With some oxygen and rest her vitals came back up, she was able to eat and looked a little more like her spunky sweet self.  She was sent home from the hospital last night and now it's calls to Cancer Care Northwest today, scheduling appointments and waiting.  Waiting to see what is next.  I know one thing, my mom is the strongest woman I know and a fighter!

Things we learned in marriage counseling....

Today marks nine years since I slipped into my white wedding dress and walked down the aisle to find the man of my dreams waiting to whisk me away to happily ever after.  Nine years later and tonight we aren't celebrating with a fancy dinner instead we are heading to the ball park to watch our two youngest boys play baseball and that is exactly where I want us to be.   We have had many great years together and we have had some not so great years together.  The struggle of marriage is real.  We have been jealous of one another, fought about money, how to parent our boys but in the end we are a team who supports each other through this journey of marriage.  We started going to a marriage counselor about six months ago, something we should have done 7 years ago after we lost our son, Brody.  I wish we would have gone and talked about my guilt, the pain and how we move forward together.  I believe that if we would have tried counseling then some of the mistakes and pain that I caused in our marriage wouldn't have happened.  But, you can't live in the past with regret! All you can do is move forward and that is where we are now.  We have both learned so much about ourselves and each other through marriage counseling. There are many things that we have discovered in our marriage counseling sessions that have helped.  For us, communication is HUGE!  I've heard it a million times before but the truth is many times in our marriage we stopped communicating with each other.  There are several reasons why, from kids to jobs to you simply stop saying the same thing over and over to your spouse because you sound like a broken record! With communication you have to express your needs and not get defensive when you hear something you disagree about.  I found out through counseling that I do this and it shuts my husband down and he doesn't talk...he's a very quiet person as it is so this is key for me to remember when he is telling me his needs or talking to me about something that is bothering him. During counseling one of our homework assignments was to find each other's love language.  I thought for sure I knew my husbands without him even taking the quiz.  For years I was intentionally meeting his needs or so I thought! Imagine my surprise when I found out he was a physical touch guy and not an acts of service guy.  Of course when I heard this I rolled my eyes because I thought most guys must be physical touch. That just means having sex but then my hubby explained it to me.  He told me that he loves when we are driving in the car and I grab his hand to hold.  When we are sitting next to one another and I put my hand on his leg.  When I walk up to him and just wrap my arms around him and give him a hug.  I know my husband feels closest to me when we are having sex but it's those simple things that make him feel the most loved. So, I make it a priority to do those things more.  My husband learned that I am a quality time gal and that just simple spending some one on one time with me is all that I need.  I don't need fancy dinners, vacations or expensive gifts.  I just simply like that time together. One thing my hubby and I started to do at night is go on walks.  We have discovered some cool hiking trails right up the hill from our house.  Many nights you can find us taking a hike to sit on the rocks at the top of the mountain and watch the sun set.  Sometimes the boys come with us and other times they stay at home with our oldest.  It's those times that mean so much to me.  For us communicating our needs and listening to one another has improved our marriage, all things we wouldn't have known if we hadn't gone to counseling. Although there have been some bumps in the road and times where we felt like we lost it all, in the end we still had one another and a marriage worth saving.  Marriage takes work, honesty, trust, forgiveness, and love.  All things that I hope we have shown our children over the last nine years and will continue to show them for many, many more!

Life of a working mom....

The end is in sight and my vacation at home with my 3 boys is about to come to a screeching hault once again.  Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice with building my career instead of staying at home.  I spent many years teaching only part time but I never stopped working to be at home full time with my boys.  I overheard two stay at home moms chatting and one said that she feels sorry for the kids that have to have both parents working while daycare is raising them.  Newsflash, I could stay home but I choose to have a career. Then in the next sentence she stated how she can hardly get anything done now that the kids are home from school for the summer.  This also made me chuckle as I have been able to get more done now that I DO have time off (5 weeks to be exact).  We have been able to have play dates at the park, baseball games, bike rides, water balloon fights as well as organizing & deep cleaning my house, trying out new recipes and finally getting to work out AFTER 5am.  I guess it's just how you prioritize your time.  I rolled my eyes as I continued to listen to them complain about the out of town business trips their husbands have to take to how tired they are from doing it all.  The reality is as a working mom I do, do it all!  From coaching to work meetings to cooking dinners every night for my family.  And as much as I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice I know that in my heart I did.  I have taught my children to work hard and follow their dreams.  I am a better mom because I am a working mom.  I work hard to provide my kids with the best life that I can.  My kids are well rounded, smart and well behaved because I raised them with high expectations and standards.  My kids can socialize and interact with adults because they have had the opportunity to be in a school/daycare that helps reinforce our values as their parents. I believe that every woman has the right to choose to stay at home or build their career.  I was lucky enough to marry a man who supported me on either path that I picked.  Instead of looking down on women who choose to work and talking negatively about them we should be lifting one another up.  I respect the mom who wants to stay at home but I was offended by the two moms who kept making judgments against women who choose something different!

Good Eats....

I'm always looking for quick, easy and delicious recipes for my family of 5 to enjoy.  Some nights it's hard to meet every ones taste buds but I sure like to try.  With some time off this summer I have tested out several new dinners which have been a huge hit and wanted to share a couple!  First, I bought my hubby a Louisiana Grill several months ago and it has been absolutely amazing for so many different reasons. The best (because he is the one cooking) is that he grills up several chicken breasts, which taste delicious and saves me a ton of time when making dinners throughout the week.  Here are some of the new favorites that my kids and hubby rave over! 

Honey-Lime Chicken Enchiladas... (My husband loves this one and asks me to make it all the time now!)

Ingredients:
6-8 tablespoons agave or honey (I prefer agave)
4-5 tablespoons lime juice (I prefer fresh squeezed)
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder or garlic salt
2-3 cups cooked, shredded chicken 
2 cups green enchilada sauce, divided
8-10 flour tortillas
3 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
3 cups shredded Mexican Cheese
1 cup heavy whipping cream, divided

Mix the first four ingredients and toss with the shredded chicken in a resealable plastic bag.  You can let this marinade for 30 minutes or all day.  I forgot this step before and just made it without marinading and it came out fine but I do prefer to marinate it all day.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees and pour about half of the green enchilada sauce on the bottom of a 9x13 inch pan.  Remove chicken from bag and keep any remaining marinade.  Fill the tortillas with the chicken and some shredded cheese, save about 1 cup shredded cheese of each for topping. Placed rolled tortillas in the pan as you go.  Mix the remaining green enchilada sauce and leftover marinade with 1 cup of heavy cream.  Pour this sauce mixture over the enchiladas.  Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top along with a very light sprinkle of chili powder. Bake for 30 minutes, uncovered until they are crispy and brown on the top.  

*From the Six Sisters Cookbook with some slight changes from me  :) 

Baked Spicy Chicken Tacos....

Ingredients:
1/2-1 pound of cooked, cubed chicken
1 can (16 oz) refried beans
6 tablespoons taco seasoning
8-10 stuff and stand tacos
2 cups Mexican blend cheese
Toppings:
Shredded lettuce
Tomatoes
Onions
Salsa
Guacamole
Sour cream

Place chicken in a bag and coat with taco seasoning to your liking. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish.  Place stand and stuff tortillas along the middle and then put two on each side to keep them secure.  Put some refried beans at the bottom of the shell, fill with chicken, then top with cheese.  Bake for 12 minutes.  Place your preferred topping on the taco and enjoy!  

Creamy Chicken Lasagna...

Ingredients:
6 uncooked lasagna noodles
3 cups cooked and shredded chicken
1 cube chicken bouillon, dissolved in 1/4 cup of hot water
1 (8oz) package of cream cheese, softened
1 cup frozen spinach, thawed and drained
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1 cup shredded parmigiano-reggiano cheese
26 ounces spaghetti sauce ( Any kind your like, I make mine homemade and freeze for this reason) 
Italian seasoning, to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Cook lasagna noodles according to the package, drain and rinse, add a little oil and set aside.  In a large bowl, combine the shredded chicken, bouillon water, cream cheese, spinach, 1 cup mozzarella cheese and 1/2 cup parm cheese.  Spread spaghetti sauce on the bottom of dish, place 3 noodles down, add chicken mixture, cheese, spaghetti sauce, cheese and repeat.  Top with the remaining sauce and cheese, sprinkle to taste Italian seasoning and bake covered for 45 minutes, until cheese is bubbly and melted :) 

*From the Six Sisters Cookbook with some slight changes from me :)