Things we learned in marriage counseling....

Today marks nine years since I slipped into my white wedding dress and walked down the aisle to find the man of my dreams waiting to whisk me away to happily ever after.  Nine years later and tonight we aren't celebrating with a fancy dinner instead we are heading to the ball park to watch our two youngest boys play baseball and that is exactly where I want us to be.   We have had many great years together and we have had some not so great years together.  The struggle of marriage is real.  We have been jealous of one another, fought about money, how to parent our boys but in the end we are a team who supports each other through this journey of marriage.  We started going to a marriage counselor about six months ago, something we should have done 7 years ago after we lost our son, Brody.  I wish we would have gone and talked about my guilt, the pain and how we move forward together.  I believe that if we would have tried counseling then some of the mistakes and pain that I caused in our marriage wouldn't have happened.  But, you can't live in the past with regret! All you can do is move forward and that is where we are now.  We have both learned so much about ourselves and each other through marriage counseling. There are many things that we have discovered in our marriage counseling sessions that have helped.  For us, communication is HUGE!  I've heard it a million times before but the truth is many times in our marriage we stopped communicating with each other.  There are several reasons why, from kids to jobs to you simply stop saying the same thing over and over to your spouse because you sound like a broken record! With communication you have to express your needs and not get defensive when you hear something you disagree about.  I found out through counseling that I do this and it shuts my husband down and he doesn't talk...he's a very quiet person as it is so this is key for me to remember when he is telling me his needs or talking to me about something that is bothering him. During counseling one of our homework assignments was to find each other's love language.  I thought for sure I knew my husbands without him even taking the quiz.  For years I was intentionally meeting his needs or so I thought! Imagine my surprise when I found out he was a physical touch guy and not an acts of service guy.  Of course when I heard this I rolled my eyes because I thought most guys must be physical touch. That just means having sex but then my hubby explained it to me.  He told me that he loves when we are driving in the car and I grab his hand to hold.  When we are sitting next to one another and I put my hand on his leg.  When I walk up to him and just wrap my arms around him and give him a hug.  I know my husband feels closest to me when we are having sex but it's those simple things that make him feel the most loved. So, I make it a priority to do those things more.  My husband learned that I am a quality time gal and that just simple spending some one on one time with me is all that I need.  I don't need fancy dinners, vacations or expensive gifts.  I just simply like that time together. One thing my hubby and I started to do at night is go on walks.  We have discovered some cool hiking trails right up the hill from our house.  Many nights you can find us taking a hike to sit on the rocks at the top of the mountain and watch the sun set.  Sometimes the boys come with us and other times they stay at home with our oldest.  It's those times that mean so much to me.  For us communicating our needs and listening to one another has improved our marriage, all things we wouldn't have known if we hadn't gone to counseling. Although there have been some bumps in the road and times where we felt like we lost it all, in the end we still had one another and a marriage worth saving.  Marriage takes work, honesty, trust, forgiveness, and love.  All things that I hope we have shown our children over the last nine years and will continue to show them for many, many more!

Life of a working mom....

The end is in sight and my vacation at home with my 3 boys is about to come to a screeching hault once again.  Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice with building my career instead of staying at home.  I spent many years teaching only part time but I never stopped working to be at home full time with my boys.  I overheard two stay at home moms chatting and one said that she feels sorry for the kids that have to have both parents working while daycare is raising them.  Newsflash, I could stay home but I choose to have a career. Then in the next sentence she stated how she can hardly get anything done now that the kids are home from school for the summer.  This also made me chuckle as I have been able to get more done now that I DO have time off (5 weeks to be exact).  We have been able to have play dates at the park, baseball games, bike rides, water balloon fights as well as organizing & deep cleaning my house, trying out new recipes and finally getting to work out AFTER 5am.  I guess it's just how you prioritize your time.  I rolled my eyes as I continued to listen to them complain about the out of town business trips their husbands have to take to how tired they are from doing it all.  The reality is as a working mom I do, do it all!  From coaching to work meetings to cooking dinners every night for my family.  And as much as I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice I know that in my heart I did.  I have taught my children to work hard and follow their dreams.  I am a better mom because I am a working mom.  I work hard to provide my kids with the best life that I can.  My kids are well rounded, smart and well behaved because I raised them with high expectations and standards.  My kids can socialize and interact with adults because they have had the opportunity to be in a school/daycare that helps reinforce our values as their parents. I believe that every woman has the right to choose to stay at home or build their career.  I was lucky enough to marry a man who supported me on either path that I picked.  Instead of looking down on women who choose to work and talking negatively about them we should be lifting one another up.  I respect the mom who wants to stay at home but I was offended by the two moms who kept making judgments against women who choose something different!

Good Eats....

I'm always looking for quick, easy and delicious recipes for my family of 5 to enjoy.  Some nights it's hard to meet every ones taste buds but I sure like to try.  With some time off this summer I have tested out several new dinners which have been a huge hit and wanted to share a couple!  First, I bought my hubby a Louisiana Grill several months ago and it has been absolutely amazing for so many different reasons. The best (because he is the one cooking) is that he grills up several chicken breasts, which taste delicious and saves me a ton of time when making dinners throughout the week.  Here are some of the new favorites that my kids and hubby rave over! 

Honey-Lime Chicken Enchiladas... (My husband loves this one and asks me to make it all the time now!)

Ingredients:
6-8 tablespoons agave or honey (I prefer agave)
4-5 tablespoons lime juice (I prefer fresh squeezed)
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder or garlic salt
2-3 cups cooked, shredded chicken 
2 cups green enchilada sauce, divided
8-10 flour tortillas
3 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
3 cups shredded Mexican Cheese
1 cup heavy whipping cream, divided

Mix the first four ingredients and toss with the shredded chicken in a resealable plastic bag.  You can let this marinade for 30 minutes or all day.  I forgot this step before and just made it without marinading and it came out fine but I do prefer to marinate it all day.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees and pour about half of the green enchilada sauce on the bottom of a 9x13 inch pan.  Remove chicken from bag and keep any remaining marinade.  Fill the tortillas with the chicken and some shredded cheese, save about 1 cup shredded cheese of each for topping. Placed rolled tortillas in the pan as you go.  Mix the remaining green enchilada sauce and leftover marinade with 1 cup of heavy cream.  Pour this sauce mixture over the enchiladas.  Sprinkle the remaining cheese over the top along with a very light sprinkle of chili powder. Bake for 30 minutes, uncovered until they are crispy and brown on the top.  

*From the Six Sisters Cookbook with some slight changes from me  :) 

Baked Spicy Chicken Tacos....

Ingredients:
1/2-1 pound of cooked, cubed chicken
1 can (16 oz) refried beans
6 tablespoons taco seasoning
8-10 stuff and stand tacos
2 cups Mexican blend cheese
Toppings:
Shredded lettuce
Tomatoes
Onions
Salsa
Guacamole
Sour cream

Place chicken in a bag and coat with taco seasoning to your liking. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish.  Place stand and stuff tortillas along the middle and then put two on each side to keep them secure.  Put some refried beans at the bottom of the shell, fill with chicken, then top with cheese.  Bake for 12 minutes.  Place your preferred topping on the taco and enjoy!  

Creamy Chicken Lasagna...

Ingredients:
6 uncooked lasagna noodles
3 cups cooked and shredded chicken
1 cube chicken bouillon, dissolved in 1/4 cup of hot water
1 (8oz) package of cream cheese, softened
1 cup frozen spinach, thawed and drained
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1 cup shredded parmigiano-reggiano cheese
26 ounces spaghetti sauce ( Any kind your like, I make mine homemade and freeze for this reason) 
Italian seasoning, to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Cook lasagna noodles according to the package, drain and rinse, add a little oil and set aside.  In a large bowl, combine the shredded chicken, bouillon water, cream cheese, spinach, 1 cup mozzarella cheese and 1/2 cup parm cheese.  Spread spaghetti sauce on the bottom of dish, place 3 noodles down, add chicken mixture, cheese, spaghetti sauce, cheese and repeat.  Top with the remaining sauce and cheese, sprinkle to taste Italian seasoning and bake covered for 45 minutes, until cheese is bubbly and melted :) 

*From the Six Sisters Cookbook with some slight changes from me :) 

The BIG Divorce

I divorced facebook over two months ago and I am thrilled to say that I am living happily ever after!  At the time I didn't realize how much of my day was spent scrolling up and down the newsfeed.  Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing pictures of my friends and family, their kids and catching up with people from the past.  I didn't realize at the time how much damage I was doing to my marriage and my relationships with my boys.

When I really started to dig in and reflect on what was happening I began to wonder why I ever even started.  I would look at "friends" and their picture perfect world, because that is what it is.  You don't post about the day to day hardships of life, marriage, motherhood.  You don't post "real" pictures of your life. You post the good, happy times, because that is what everyone wants to see.  You start to feel like you need to "keep up with the Jones" or at least that is honestly what I started to feel.  I questioned why we weren't taking more family vacations or date nights together.  I needed a big wake up call.  I stopped cold turkey, completely deleted my account, no temporary leave of Facebook, yep, I got rid of it forever.  At first it felt weird to not grab my phone, scroll through the pages but it quickly became easier to fill my nights with card games, playing basketball, coloring or simply holding my boys in my arms and reading a good book.  I didn't realize how much my kids were being affected by me being on my phone.  I wasn't on it constantly. I would put it away for most of the night but I would catch myself checking it here and there and that is what my boys were seeing.  My husband was easily annoyed each time I was on it and a sense of resentment was soon taking over our marriage.  It bothered him more than I knew and it was slowly breaking us apart.  It was time to make a change! 

My days of taking a picture and instantly posting it are over!!!  I still enjoy the big game, play dates, fun adventures, date nights, little family vacations and although I continue to take lots of pictures, those are now only for me and my family.  

Lost Bear

My family and I recently went on a little "staycation" at Silver Mountain.  Kids had a blast splashing at the waterpark and my hubby and I enjoyed a late night get away soaking in the hot tub.  Snow was falling and everything around us was perfect.  We were lazy to get up and leave on the last morning that we were there but finally packed up and headed back home.  That night while tucking in our son Blake, he asked for his Brody bear.  My hubby and I both glanced at each other and a sheer panic look was exchanged between us.  Had he been left at the condo? We searched high and low in our house and in the car.  No Brody bear was found.  My heart sank as I kissed my little 6 year old's head and told him we would call and see if he had accidentally been left behind.  I called the hotel but Brody bear hadn't been found, the room had been cleaned but no bear.  I asked a huge favor, would they please have housekeeping take one more look and call me back.  See our little Brody bear isn't just a bear to our family.  When I was pregnant with our twin boys, Blake and Brody, their big brother Parker made a moose for Blake and a bear for Brody.  When you press the little paw you can hear his sweet voice say, "I love you baby brother." Our Brody bear has become a dear part of our family for a special reason!  I was in my final stages of pregnancy when we heard the unimaginable, our son Brody was born still. Brody bear is always with Blake, from cuddles at night to opening presents Christmas morning.  Blake was devastated that he had lost his bear.  He cried way too many tears that night and I tried to hold it together but I had an ache in my heart.  The next morning I called again and they were sending someone to look one more time.  Thankfully our little bear was found.  I have one happy six year old and my heart is full again!  I can't wait to hug that sweet little bear and watch as my son sleeps with his little arms wrapped around him.  It's amazing how something so simple, a stuffed bear can bring peace to our family!

Crock Pot Meals

Over winter break I had a ton on my "to-do" list before heading back to work but the one that really needed to get done was freezer meals because well life has been CRAZY BUSY lately!   Here are some that I found on Pinterest and added some little changes to suit my family and their taste buds.  I made some from my blog "Mom, what's for dinner" also.  I spent about $150 (I have lots of deer/elk meat that I use too) and 2 hours of prepping and 14 meals later I am one happy momma and the freezer is full again!

Here is what I made

1-Chicken Teriyaki
2- Fajitas (1 beef, 1 chicken)
2- Honey Dijon Chicken with red potatoes
1- Creamy Ranch Pork Chops
2- Savory Elk soup (you can use ground beef)
2-Chicken and Wild Rice
2- BBQ (1 beef, 1 chicken)
2- Italian (1 beef, 1 chicken)

Chicken Teriyaki, Savory Beef Soup, Chicken and wild rice and BBQ recipes - On the What's for dinner blog below

Fajitas- Beef shoulder roast (2-3 lbs) for one and 3 Chicken breasts for the other bag
2 red peppers
2 yellow peppers
1 onion split
2 tbs minced garlic
2 tbs honey
2 tbs spicy asada carne (leftover from a wildtree freezer party)
1 tbs apple cider vinegar
couple shakes of red pepper flakes

Cook on low for 8 hours :) Serve with tortillas, lettuce, homemade salsa, guacamole, cheese or over rice

Honey Dijon Chicken with Red potatoes
3 Chicken breasts in each bag (trimmed fat)
1/3 cup honey
3 tbs Dijon mustard
1/2 tsp thyme
2 tbs brown sugar
8-10 small red potatoes


Cook on low for 6-8 hours.  I serve this with fresh asparagus or green beans

Italian Beef/Chicken
2-3 lbs beef cut into strips (in one bag)  and 3 chicken breast (in another bag)
4 peeled and diced carrots in each bag
2 cups frozen broccoli
1 cup frozen cauliflower
3 tbs avocado oil
2 tbs red wine vinegar
1 tbs minced garlic
1/2 package Italian seasoning (dressing)

Cook on low for 6-8 hours.  Serve with rice :)

5 years later...

They say it gets easier.  I am not sure who they are because wrapping our son in a soft blue blanket, placing him in a tiny casket and say goodbye doesn't get easier, even five years later.  Five years?  It seems just like yesterday. I can still hear the doctors voice as he pushes back his chair and echoes to us that baby b, known to us already as Brody didn't have a heartbeat.   I can still feel the sharp pain in my chest, the lump in my throat as the walls in the ultrasound room came crashing in on us.

A couple weeks after our loss I was picking up Parker from his school at Chester; Blake was sound asleep in his carseat in the back.  I was sitting in the pick up line waiting as a class full of kindergarten children came running outside, playing, laughing and jumping in the sunshine.  Tears started streaming down my face as I thought about how Brody wouldn't be running out those doors one day as a kindergartener. Five years later and I should be registering two little boys for Kindergarten and all I can think about is that day sitting in my car thinking about all the things we are about to miss out on with our son.  Everyday I wonder what Brody would look like, his personality, what he would love and even silly little things like if he would want jelly or honey on his peanut butter sandwich. Five years have gone by and I have been blessed to watch Brody's twin brother Blake grow into a confident little five year old, riding his bike without training wheels, writing his name, reading books, playing soccer, and cuddling with me on Sunday mornings watching cartoons. 

I pray everyday that Brody is happy.  The easy part comes from seeing and embracing the smile on my childrens faces but the reality is that I have learned how to hold my pain inside and not let people see the emptiness in my soul but I am broken, shaken and  a piece of me destroyed.