Days leading up to the holidays normally have me rushing around trying to finish up the last of our shopping, food prepping and getting everything just perfect! It was no different a couple weeks ago when I found myself stressed trying to make sure that everything was just right for our first Thanksgiving with family in our new home. I spent weeks leading up to the holiday pinning recipes on Pinterest, grocery shopping and prepping food ahead of time and planning out a cleaning schedule because this year I wanted more than anything for things to be absolutely perfect! The weekend before Thanksgiving I was in an incredible stressful, snappy mood and my poor husband could tell that something just wasn't right with me. After 12 years together he has become accustom to my type A personality so he knows how "crazy" I get when people are coming over. This holiday though he knew something was different with me. After he helped clean around the house and tried to help with some food prep I simply fell apart in the kitchen. I didn't realize the amount of pressure that I was putting on myself and it took him taking me in his arms, holding me while I sobbed to simply tell him what was on my mind. I didn't realize what was wrong until that moment. I told him how worried I was that this could be my mom's last Thanksgiving and how incredibly hard this has been for me. I just wanted everything to be perfect for my mom. Ever since my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer I have tried to remain positive and not think about what could happen if she wasn't here with us. The holidays had me thinking more and more about loved ones that aren't with us and how much I miss them. It was simply too easy for me to turn my thoughts negative and how this Thanksgiving was so important for my family. Talking with my husband I realized how it didn't matter if my cooking was perfect or if the house was spotless. What mattered was that we would all be together, laughing and enjoying these moments. Moments that we will never get back. This year over the holidays I am working on letting go. Letting go of not having everything perfect because let's be honest, the only one who knows it isn't "perfect" is me!
I am turning my stress and hard times this holiday into something positive. For me it will be a chance to relax, simply enjoy and grow as a person. I'm looking forward to creating more memories with my mom, boys and family. Just yesterday I left the piles of laundry in the baskets and enjoyed a Saturday morning breakfast at Conley's Place with my boys, hubby and mom and dad. We spent the rest of the morning at the Davenport viewing the Trees of Elegance. The afternoon was spent cuddling with my littles as we watched our Zags win another big game! I am letting go with my Christmas shopping too because for the first time ever I've ordered gifts online and had them delivered right to our door. This has given me more time to relax. Right now I am enjoy typing by the fire, snow is falling outside and I am watching my boys sled down our hill from our living room window. Now that is perfection and what this time of year is all about!
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